Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize