I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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