one two three fourrrrnication!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
