my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
