last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
