Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
