I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we're making bets on your personal life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
