I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
