He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
