I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
