i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Enjoy the penises
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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