Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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