There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
