Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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