mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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