Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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