insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
