My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
