I love black thongs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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