someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
