My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
