Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
