when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
