Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
