yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
