Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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