oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
