Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
