I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
whose parrot is this?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
