i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
