I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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