I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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