You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize