My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
