Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
