So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
