The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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