hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize