My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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