I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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