very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
