Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
