The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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