Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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