U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize