Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
