I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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