things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
