Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
