Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
