just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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