3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
