dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I supernannyed him into submission
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
