I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
