When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
