i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
