Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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