Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
