You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
