Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
